This past year has been one of anger and frustration for me. So. many. times. this year, I've cried out to God, through tears of anger, in moments of raw honesty and asked,
why?!
Why God have you allowed this into my life, to happen to me?
All I ever did was what was right! Why am I going through this {pain} when all through {this period of my life} I followed hard after you, loved you, served you, obeyed you, to the best of my ability, are others being blessed, and I am not?
First of all, you must understand, I know this is wrong. And I would tell God that. I would tell Him I knew I was acting as though I was entitled to His blessing and being utterly disrespectful, and I was sorry, but it was how I felt at the time, and He wants us to pour our hearts out to Him, so I was doing it!
My dad always told me when I was little to 'talk to Jesus as though I was talking to my best friend'. I've been blessed with a few special friends. Friends I know I can trust implicitly and be brutally, ugly honest, and they will still love me, unconditionally, for who I am, who I can be through Christ, and will pray me through the bad times.
And that's how I am when I talk to God. Brutally honest. He knows my deepest thoughts that even I don't understand, so He knows how I feel already. ;)
But anyway. :) More than once I went through this.
I felt betrayed.
Betrayed by the One who promised to never leave me nor forsake me.
(Funny thing is, my head knew/knows waaaaaaay better. But emotions?? eh... not so much.)
I felt betrayed. Like, since I had lived rightly before God, I should be rewarded for good behavior. But that wasn't what I saw happening. I felt my life falling into weird places I never thought it would, as I watched (over, and over, and agonizingly over again) all my friends lives fall (as i perceived it) neatly into perfect place.
And I felt betrayed. Like I was being punished for having done the right thing. Like Joseph in the Old Testament.
But last Sunday, my Pastor preached a sermon that, in a way, contrasted Jesus' birth and John's birth and the reactions to each. Not only did it help me to see Mary in a different way, but it was an encouragement to me as well.
You see, when John was born? People rejoiced! When Elisabeth became pregnant with him, people celebrated! She and Zacharias were not supposed to be able to have children, and yet they did! There was joy for John.
But except for a handful of people, there was no joy for Jesus. His parents were not married, and became the object of gossip and ridicule. His parents were poor and had to make the journey to Bethlehem, then flee shortly thereafter to Egypt. When Mary became pregnant with Jesus, people whispered behind her back, they did not rejoice with her.
Then pastor made a comment about how "being in the will of God will bring contrast into our lives.
God may ask us to do things, or allow things to happen to us, that MAKE. NO. SENSE. Things that very few people will understand.
Just like when He had a virgin conceive and bear a son, and how Mary was ridiculed for the rest of her life... for simply bearing the son of God!!!! For being the Godly young woman after His own heart that He CHOSE to have His Son! Mary had done "everything right". So right, that she became the mother of the most high. But at times, when people would scowl at her in the streets, murmur behind her back as she traveled through the village with baby Jesus on her hip, make snide remarks about she and Joseph that were untrue-- untrue because God had done the unusual in her life-- I wonder if she felt betrayed. Lifted her eyes to heaven and whispered, "Why, Lord? All I ever did was serve you!" I am not trying to add anything to the Bible, I just wonder if Mary ever felt betrayed, too.
But she knew. She knew, just like I knew, that even though I feel that way, it isn't/wasn't true.
She knew that God had chosen to do something unusual in her life, and she chose to obey that call.
I'm sure that often it made little sense to her,
Just as though it makes no sense to us, when we go through what we see as useless pain. Pain so unbearable at times we cry out to God, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? How could you possibly intend to use this for your glory!?!?". But that's exactly what He tends to do. Use the unusual, the painful, the unbearable, the things in our lives that we and no one else understands, somehow. for. GOOD.
So today, this Christmas, please dear friend.
Don't lose hope.
When God does or allows something not in your plans that seems to wreck your life, realize He's not betraying you. Remember He loves you, and somehow, He's going to work this all together for His good, for His purposes. (Romans 8:28) if we let Him. Mary let Him. I know this is hard :( Remember how Mary in the New Testament and Joseph in the Old did what was right, and it seemed as though they only got pain in response??
But the ending of those two stories??
But the ending of those two stories??
God worked through Joseph to save many nations from starvation.
and God worked, through Mary, to bring the Savior into the world who would redeem the souls of all mankind.
What could He be doing with your pain today, sweet sister?
Merry Christmas!!!
Picture Source: http://www.testimoniesofheavenandhell.com/Pictures-Of-Jesus/
Source of Post Title: was pastor's sermon title ;)