(BEFORE YOU BEGIN: I do realize this is rather a lengthy
post. :D But if you have time—especially if you are hurting or going through a season of
darkness or a night season spiritually—please stick with me! Lol)
Perhaps, if you are observant, you have noticed my lack of
posts here lately. *winks*
Okay. You do not even have to be observant! Any
little kid could look at the date of my last post and say, “Wow! This
lady hasn’t posted in months!”
Some of you have still checked up regularly for anything
new—and you have no. idea. what ‘behind-the-scenes-encouragement’
that has been to my soul! (but more on that soon!). Just know for now that I've greatly appreciated that.
But others may be wondering where I've gone.
I've got a comparison for you today…
Usually, I write posts based on what God gives me and
excites me with (or ‘ouches’ me with) during my quiet time alone with Him.
Well, you know how my blog has had this…’lovely’…dry spell?
Yeah. :( :( So has my walk with Jesus.
Hence the absurd lack of posts.
Someday I may (honestly hope) to get into ‘how’ and
‘why’, but that as well is for another post. Er… posts.
But I did have something I wanted to share with you today.
Some of you may have deep, intimate walks with the Lord, and
some of you may be new to talking to and hearing from Him daily. Whichever girl
you are, if you’re anything like me, you’re prone to bouts of
discouragement. The discouragement could be little “bummer days” or it could be
full-blown dark spells of depression.
It doesn't matter how significant or insignificant your
discouragement may seem to be—the important thing is that you feel it.
And it hurts.
So often when I would experience these times, Titus-2 women
in my life would point me to Psalms because, while we think of him as this
great mighty warrior-king who did fantastic things for God and was a perfect
man after His own heart, David had these seasons of discouragement
too! In fact, I’ve gotten pointed there so often that it just
got plain annoying. I got so deep into discouragement that it was like ‘I’ve
read the Psalms. I know David felt depressed, too, but at this point NOTHING
HELPS!’ In fact, nothing seemed to help. The Bible was dry,
and God seemed so. far. away. I wasn’t deep into sin or anything, but it felt
as though God had turned His back on me.
And yes! Of COURSE I knew better. Still,
didn’t help the cold, frightening feelings of utter desolation go away.
Maybe you’re there, sweet sister. ((Pulls you into a tight
hug)) Maybe, while you’re not that down in the dumps, you can at
least relate. Or perhaps, you’ve never felt this before ((stop right
now and praise Jesus for that fact and ask Him for the strength to not let
go to Him if it should ever happen!!!!)) but you may know someone who does.
May I say something to you?
Did you know, that even though you’re in the absolute dark
and you can’t see Him for the trees, Jesus is visiting you during this season (yes, this hideously
ridiculous) season of darkness??
I found an index card in my Bible I had written on one night
while I quickly, but finally, did my devotions.
This is (basically lol) what it said:
Psalm 17:3 “thou has visited me IN THE
NIGHT” (cross references with Psalms 16:7 “in the NIGHT
SEASONS”—it would be interesting to see what that meant in the Hebrew.
“Seasons of darkness” maybe???”
So, of course, I looked it up just before beginning this
post, and was surprised at what I discovered. Basically, the word for “night”
in Psalms 17:3 and “night season” in Psalms
16:7 means/refers to “a twist (away of the light)… figuratively
{meaning} adversity… (mid-)night (season).”
Deeper study into those words gave the picture of a twisting
stairwell, and I had the mental picture of someone holding one of those
antique-looking brass candlesticks in a dark stairwell, and as they turned
around and ascended the rounding steps, taking the meager light farther and
farther away.
Maybe that’s how you feel. I know I did/do. :( I felt as though it was Jesus with that candlestick,
twisting Himself away from me and hiding the light from my face :(.
But of course, He hadn’t… that’s just how it FELT.
And we as ladies know how to not allow ourselves to be overcome by our
feelings… … right…?? (*Cough, cough* yeah right!!! ROFL)
Psalms 17:3 says that God had proved David’s
heart and that God HAD VISITED HIM IN THE NIGHT {SEASONS} when it felt as
though He were nowhere to be found!!!!! Verse 7 of chapter 16 tells us
that the Lord had given David counsel, and that his “mind, or interior
self” had given had instructed him in those night seasons.
Perhaps I was so {inwardly} focused on how much I was
hurting and on how much I felt like Jesus was not there to actually take
the time to inquire, to see that He really was there.
Please sister—don’t
do that! :( It hurts. So. Bad. Does it hurt!
But (of course!) the verse doesn’t end there! David
goes on:
“Thou has visited me in the night; though has tried me, and
shalt find nothing; I am purposed that my mouth shall not transgress.”
…
… …
“And shalt. Find. Nothing.”
Nothing.
Nothing for God to reproach him with.
I know that when God tried me, when trials came and God
checked on me, He found P-L-E-N-T-Y He could reproach me with.
During the night season:
I stuck to it for a good long while (only by His grace), but
eventually I gave up on reading my Bible.
I did it diligently every day (again, by His grace alone),
but eventually I gave up deep thorough praying as well.
I kept going (thanks to my parents lol) but I didn’t even
want to go to church!
Yeah.
Lots God could’ve reproached me for. I was
quite far from the example David somehow set. My card went on:
“God, while at one point in my life {in this night season}
I may have been able to say this with the Psalmist… I no longer can :(. If you were to “try me”… :( you’d find plenty to disappoint you; plenty of things to find that I’ve been
doing wrong, not doing right, or not doing well enough or with the right
motives. Or at all. :(”
What is really cool, really comfortingly wonderful, is this:
That God we feel has
turned away?
Yeah. HE
SPECIALIZES IN THE IMPOSSIBLE. HE’S THE GOD OF 2ND, 3RD,
40TH, 60TH, AND 189TH CHANCES! HE LOVES US
WITH AN EVERLASTING PERFECT LOVE! He DOES. NOT.
HATE. YOU. And you are NOT. BEYOND. HIS. HELP or REACH! He misses you, but He
LOVES you! According to Hebrews 4:15, He GETS IT! HE UNDERSTANDS
what you are going through!
“But I keep messing up!” you tell me. “I keep falling back
into this black whole or getting sucked into it!” “How can He still love
me after I’ve totally failed His testing me?!”
First
of all, what you see as failure did NOT take Him by surprise. It doesn't
make it right, but you didn't surprise Him one bit.
Secondly,
I recently heard on a wonderful movie that God is able to love us so
passionately, so relentlessly, even when we give up on Him (or even
purposefully leave or abandon Him :( ) because His love is NOT
DEPENDENT on us or on our actions. Wow.
My devotional card for that night went on, though. And Lord
willing this can help you. Even if it is the smallest measure of help:
“Psalm 17:5 “Hold up my goings in thy paths,
that my footsteps slip not.” This needs
to be my prayer, 24/7/365. (Also see Psalm 119:133) Verse
15 of Ps. 17 says “as for me, I will behold thy face in righteousness:
I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with thy likeness.” This
verse cross-references with Psalm 16:11, “…in thy presence
is fullness of joy…”
During
these two separate times of darkness for David, he came to realize, (right at
the end was when he noticed it though! :D) that even in the darkness it was in the
presence of his GOD that he found Fullness of Joy.
These
verses don’t say that “in the presence of those who encourage or give me Godly
counsel” is fullness of Joy. {Although HE in whose presence IS fullness of joy
CERTAINLY uses and works through those wonderful people!} Fullness of Joy wasn't found in a host of other material things we may use to distract
ourselves from the pain of the darkness. Nope.
Fullness of Joy, even in
the darkness, is found in HIS presence.
HIS
PRESENCE presents us with the FULLEST measure of Joy. The best :) of happy.
Thank you Jesus!
The
one drawback about this simple yet profound ‘being in His presence’ thing is
that it can be hard, especially when you’re hurting. But can I tell you a
secret?
Even
if it doesn't’t “work” right away, (as in magically making it all go away)
It certainly helps!
Sister—perhaps,
brother—you are not alone. And you are not without hope. God’s love for you is
NOT dependent of you. Remember, while she
surely felt most alone, it was during the NIGHT SEASON that David says the Lord “visited” him.
As alone as you feel, HE IS with you, and in His
presence is FULLNESS OF JOY.